I am not sure how you ad a link that isn’t enormously long so I am sorry you have to cut and paste this one!!

http://www.balancedmedia.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=133:jq&catid=34:health&Itemid=40

zooties!

http://tinyurl.com/36vwxu2
Hope you find it interesting!  zooties

Amanda

(I found a way to link you to amazon if you click on the image – TA DA!!)

Another book that’s worth reading as part of a ‘keep your heart healthy until you’re really old’ strategy is “Anger Kills” by Redford and Virginia Williams (Time Press).  It would appear that having an angry , hostile heart is a significant factor in the development of heart disease – not just the important usual aspects of obesity, smoking, stress, lack of exercise etc.

Apparently Type A people are not automatically sitting ducks for a heart attack – it’s the Type A with and angry hostile heart.  Dr Williams who was Director of behavioural research at Duke University, North Carolina called these people Type H.  He defined them as ‘cynical, distrustful, angry and more likely to act on it”.

He asks a few questions to give you an idea of how likely you are to be type H – for example, do you remember irritating incidents and get mad all over again?  If your hairdresser trims off too much, do you fume for days?  When someone cuts you off in traffic, do you flash your lights and honk your horn?  Are you often irritated by others incompetence?   These are just a few questions to ask yourself to give you insight into how you habitually respond/react to difficulties.

The anger theory does raise some interesting opportunities for families!  Ask yourself how your parents responded to anger.  With sulking?  Passive aggression?  Full on physical aggression?  Verbal abuse?  Shouting, ranting and raving?   Did they deprive you of love or affection?  

Did they never mention it again so that it lay unresolved for months or years – a big black cloud hanging over your head?   Or did they realise that the anger was a response (or, worse, reaction) to a problem or situation, and deal with the problem or cause?  What anger management did you learn from your parents?  Your siblings?  

Do you recognise when you are angry or hostile? Does it register that you are feeling like throttling someone!   Have you noticed that your breathing is coming in short , shallow bursts;  or that your shoulders are hunched up around your ears?  That your voice is strained and tense?    

How do you behave when you are feeling angry?  Do others know you are angry before you do?    Ask your partner or children how they know you are angry – and keep breathing as they answer you!   No point in asking them and then losing it because you  think they are talking rubbish!

What sorts of things make you angry?  Who makes you angry?  Why?  Then examine your answers;   are you reacting to a situation, or responding?   Reacting is a knee jerk, without thought or consideration reaction to something – before you realise it, you have shouted at everyone and three people are in tears and the rest just hate you!   You spend the next three days feeling guilty and upset and more angry but this time with yourself!   Not very smart behaviour.

Or do you recognise when you are angry, stop, take a few breaths, think about what is happening and why you are feeling this way and count to 100.

Or even walk away for a few minutes (or a couple of years!)?   Then you come back with the  appropriate response – even if it is anger.  If this is you – great!  You are a star at anger management!

Of course, fear is at the basis of most anger! So it might be helpful to ask yourself what are you fearing right now – you may have to search quite hard as the fear is often so embedded and deep we are not even aware of it.

Either way, talking about anger in an open and frank way , considering the aspects I have highlighted with your family is a great way to explore yourself and your reactions, as well as helping your children have an insight into anger what fear is behind it and the way they deal with it.   

It may be the best gift you could ever give yourself or your children.  

PS your heart will be pretty grateful as well.  So much less painful than keeling over with a massive heart attack!

PPS reading the chapter on Forgiveness in The Gospel of Joy is a great idea as well!

A very wise friend of mine, Gayle, told me a wonderful story. She was speaking with a young man who was dealing with a “difficult” person at work – someone no one liked or liked working with. My friend told him to see if he could think of one thing good about this person. He thought for some time and finally said, “She looks good in blue.” Then Gayle suggested to the young man that he return to work and constantly focus on that good thought and, if he was able to, tell the person what he liked about her. And guess what – it worked! The young man focused on that one good thing and was able to connect to that difficult person – and then find a whole lot of other good things about her!

The interesting thing is that it’s all a matter of perception. It’s all about being grateful. Or not! Practicing gratitude is not something most of us do every day. But our lives would change if it was – if we become grateful for things at home, grateful for things at work and grateful for at least one thing we find in what we perceive as a ‘difficult’ person.

If you really are just too busy to mentally remind yourself to be grateful then physically remind yourself. Go out and find a pair of children’s plastic sunglasses or visit amandagore.com and see our heart shaped gratitude glasses. Knock the dark lenses out of them and wear them. If you’re worried people in the office or your spouse might start to think you’re a complete space cadet because you’re walking around with lens -less kiddies glasses on all day then just keep them nearby as a reminder! Gratitude glasses are a practical way of finding joy in everything you do!

So whenever something or someone is pulling you down – put on your gratitude glasses. Make the choice. We can perceive a situation or a person as a gift for which we are grateful, or as a curse which ruins our moments. You can be grateful to have a warm body lying next to you in bed or grateful to have the whole bed to yourself; grateful to have the promotion at work or grateful you don’t have to deal with more responsibility. With gratitude everything looks good! We can always find something positive to look at even if we have to wear funny glasses to find it. So put on your gratitude glasses and keep them on until you feel better!

Stay tuned for the latest exciting news about the new JOY PROJECT which we are forming!  We are building a global joy community!  I hope you will all be involved!

I am about to embark on letting go of a very old belief in my life.  I will share it with you in the hope that it helps someone – although it makes me a bit vulnerable!

I have realised that deep in my unconscious, (although I had always believed my childhood was fine cos I had a wonderful, loving mother), somewhere I had a deep seated dislike and distrust of men! My father was an alcoholic and they divorced when I was 5.

This  has made life very difficult for my husband!  Who it turns out is a patient saint! Gosh it took a long time for me to ‘get’ that I was creating my own reality with my beliefs.  I knew it ‘in my head’, but not as a real ‘knowing’ where I took responsiblity for it – and changed it.

I hope this is not too personal and boring for others but I have discovered along the way that there are many women who do not respect and admire men generally! And vice versa.  Of course, we have to be discerning – there are many who may need to change before we respect and admire their actions or words, but as human spirits we need to respect and admire all the human spirits around us!

As we start off the new year, examine your deeply held beliefs about the opposite sex. If you are a bloke reading this – how was your relationship with your mother – what do you really feel about her?  Because that represents how you will think all women are at some level!

Look at your relationships and see if there are any patterns which may give you a clue – cos often how we feel about the opposite sex is completely out of our awareness. And even if we are aware, we often don’t understand the significance of it and how it affects our daily interactions.  (Note – like me!)

This is a big concept for all of us – what do you really believe about the opposite sex? What do you tell yourself about them? And is it really true? Or just your perception, based on your experiences?

Happy New Year to everyone and I hope 2010 brings you all the joy you can imagine – and the ability to see the true spirit of everyone in your life!

As we go into Christmas, try to practice compassion. Everyone in our family is fighting their own internal battle with fears of some sort,  and with all of us together again it’s easy to trigger old patterns.  With a different focus we can avoid many of the emotionally draining scenarios that leave us grateful Christmas only happens once a year!

So my tip for Christmas is to focus on being compassionate.  That means sending love to others, holding them in your heart, being patient, helping them when it is right to so do, and trying to see the world through their eyes and perceptions. There are many more ways to be compassionate but these are just a few hints! At this time of joy to the world, focus on one of the 12 pillars of joy – feel compassion for others AND yourself.

Happy , blessed Christmas to those who celebrate it and happy holidays to those who celebrate other events!

These videos are from various speaking engagements I’ve had over the years.  Hope they bring you some joy!!