SATURDAY; APOLOGISE

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”

Poet Kimberly Johnson

Gulp! Apologize? Do I have to?

Well, pretty much yes, if you did something that intentionally or unintentionally hurt or harmed someone else. And as Ms. Johnson says above—never ruin it with an excuse.

If you say “I am sorry but….”, you are about to make an excuse and you know you are not in your heart. It doesn’t really matter why we did what we did.

By making an excuse, we are trying to justify our behavior. We are really saying with words that sound like an apology, “You deserved this!” Or “I am not a bad person—listen to this really strong reason for my behavior that hurt you.” “It’s not my fault really.” Yes, it is our fault! We need to accept responsibility.

We always have choices in how to behave and perhaps we chose poorly at that one point in time. We may have been tired or there may have been other extenuating circumstances, but we don’t need to share them.

To apologize sincerely is to feel it in your heart first. Then and only when you feel true sorrow at what has happened, do you say, “I am truly sorry for what I did/has happened/my behavior/the pain I have caused you. Please forgive me. I will not do it again.”

And then don’t do it again! This is critical.

So many people apologize easily just to appease another person. They don’t really feel it in their hearts, and so they continue to repeat the offending action. After this has happened a few times, an apology means nothing to the other person.

Friends of mine in Australia have a big sign above their bedroom door saying, “He who forgives first, wins!” Isn’t that a great idea?

Why not make it a family activity to create and decorate several banners that say “He who forgives first, lives longer!” and then put them in prominent places in your home today. It is a fun reminder of the necessity to live in a state of forgiving. Playing games with our children like this helps them comprehend what forgiveness means.

Imagine if you had learned at an early age how harmful anger and hostility are, and how futile and damaging revenge, resentment and grudges are. Would your life have been different if you had learned then how spectacular true forgiveness is?

Today is the day for finding those to whom you need to sincerely apologize, and doing it. Take a big breath: You will be amazed at how much better you feel at the end of the day once you have relieved your soul of these burdens you have been carrying!

What if another person needs to apologize to you? As television personality Robin Quivers once said, “An apology might help, but you can change your life without one.”

No matter how much you want (or think you need) an apology from another person, you will live without it!

I had an experience of this recently, where I felt someone should apologize. It has not happened and it will not happen, I suspect, but I forgave anyway.

So how did I handle that? I asked for their forgiveness (at a heart-to-heart level—not out loud!) for my part in what had happened, even though I felt an innocent bystander. I figured I must have had some part to play, and was sincere when I asked at that soul level for forgiveness.

I gave forgiveness at the soul level, and am still working on that one to turn it from forgiveness to real love. I have held them in my heart for at least a minute, many times, and I do feel that is working. I have asked God to help me. Once I have done the holding in my heart exercise, I leave it alone and move on.

After you have apologized to all those you feel you want to today, let go of any “needs” you have to hear an apology from them!

This could be a very freeing day!

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